Thursday, 28 September 2017

EROTIC STORY: The Spanking Agency part 3.



3: Sister Catherine and the Cane.

"By Jove," thought Reginald Biggs to himself, "Mrs. Pew doesn't half have a backside on her and no mistake." He put on his best smile as the lady in question came up to him with her world-weary husband in tow. The poor sod. Fancy having to service an old battleaxe like that week in and week out. No wonder he looked like he'd seen better days. He was fifty going on seventy.

Reginald pressed his Bible to his chest and took her hand in his. "And how are you this fine day, Mrs. Pew?" he asked pleasantly.

Hilda Pew, the fourth daughter of six with thirty years of marriage behind her, tutted and raised her eyes to the heavens. "Oh, you know, Vicar," she sighed, taking a deep breath which made her battleship bosoms heave enticingly beneath her brown tweed overcoat, "Same old same. Aches and pains. Time of the year and all that," she grumbled as she frowned at her old man and brushed dandruff off his left shoulder, "Loved your service. Let those with sin in their heart and lust in their loins find redemption through the word of the good book is what I say. Isn't that right, Sidney?"

Her husband gave a sigh of long-suffering resignation. "Whatever you say, dearest." he replied as he reached up to adjust his flat cap, "Whatever you say."

Reginald just smiled with sympathy and tried to keep a straight face. You'd never believe these two had produced six spawn between them.There is nothing so strange as some people. That was the God honest gospel truth.

The Vicar watched as Mrs. Pew grabbed her husband by the arm and quickly marched him down the aisle as the rest of his congregation made their way home on this chilly early December Sunday morning. His gaze deliberately dropped to the rather large posterior of his well-upholstered parishoner and he felt the familiar forbidden tingle of admiration and lust in his loins. What he wouldn't give to be able to thrash seven bells of St. John out of that succulent rump with the bendiest cane he could lay his hands on. He'd have her running around her sitting room clutching her fleshy arse like it was on fire. Then he'd grab her, bend her over the back of the sofa and rip off her knickers as he dropped his trousers so he could grab all seven and three-quarters of his honorable member and shove it right up her hairy pus...

He glanced up at the cross beside him. "Sorry," he muttered as he went and collected all the hymn and prayer books left on the wooden benches.

*

Tuesday, 26 September 2017

CLASSIC SPANK MAGS: Stand Corrected jr no.5


An American classic from Shadowlane.

The fun kind of spanking mag that we rarely see/saw here in the UK.

CLASSIC SPANK ART: The Belt.


One of my favorites. Big arsed mature women in old-fashioned
Underwear is the absolute best.


Saturday, 23 September 2017

YEOWCH SEXY SCRAPBOOK: STUDIO 1234 Cinema - "Come Play with Me/Emanuelle" Listings Advert 1976.


Ah, the old STUDIO 1234 cinema in Newcastle circa 1976. That sure brings back memories when me and my teenage mates used to try and sneak into this place to see the latest X rated porn movie. Back in those days, X rated meant a bit of onscreen tit, pussy and arse, and if you were really lucky, you'd get an out of focus softcore shag with the camera zoomed in on the fake wig the busty starlet was wearing as she got banged silly. 


And the people you saw in these places - holy shit. I remember we got into one heavily censored foreign porn film and the screening was pretty full for a weekday afternoon. The three of us tried to hide right in the corner of one of the side aisles so the usherette wouldn't spot us with her torch when we noticed this tall, gangly, weird looking bald fucker who was wearing this knee-length cream raincoat and had on a pair of thick black NHS spectacles sat a couple of rows in front of us.

Every time a bit of boob, pussy, or arse appeared on screen off he'd go wanking himself silly under the coat without a care in the world as we all sat there pissing ourselves laughing. The things people will do to get their knackers off. Amazing. Those really were the best fucking days.

SEXPOTS: Honey Wilder.


Always loved domestic-themed erotica and the awesome Ms. Wilder
is my all-time "the mature lady from next door" babe.

Sunday, 17 September 2017

CLASSIC EROTIC TOONS: Carrie - French Maid Spanking 1978.


Here's a rare one for spanking fans.
From Mayfair VOL 13 no.6 the WHOLE Carrie strip from 1978.

CLASSIC XXX MOVIE POSTERS: Adventures of a Taxi Driver 1976.

It's amazing how many famous UK tv stars appeared in these
 70's sexploitation flicks to help pay the bills.

CLASSIC EROTIC MAGS: Focus on BUTTS and BOOBS VOL.3 no.1


A 70's oldie for ass lovers everywhere.

Wednesday, 13 September 2017

YEOWCH SEXY SCRAPBOOK: Benny Hill Show "Knickers"


With a pre-Frasier Jane Leeves showing off her awesome lingerie.

Sunday, 10 September 2017

XXX MOVIE SEX SCENE: Private Teacher 1982


The hot Janey Robbins teaching her young student all about sex education.

To think my Biology teacher used a banana and a fucking doughnut. Anyway, PRIVATE TEACHER, one of my favorite porn movies with a great mature/young theme also starring the awesome Honey Wilder.




YEOWCH SEXY SCRAPBOOK: The Millington Sisters 70's Sex Shops

Back in the 70's, Mary Millington was, and probably still is, the UK's most famous hard/softcore porn star and has appeared in numerous X rated movies during those years. The above is a rare piece of British sex memorabilia advertising her sex shops she ran along with her sister, Doreen. Wish I'd made the effort to go and have a look around. Might have got myself one really cool autograph.

Saturday, 9 September 2017

XXX MOVIE SEX SCENE: Playbirds 1978




Mary Millington striptease from 1978 UK sexploitation movie Playbirds




XXX MOVIE SEX SCENES: Spanked by the Hairy Hedgehog.



Kandi Barbour and Ron Jeremy spanking fun.

Friday, 8 September 2017

EROTIC STORY: The Spanking Agency part 2.



2: Anal Annie and Her Amazing Anus.

"THE LUBE, MR BAXTER," yelped Annie in alarm, "USE MORE LUBE!!"

The young woman grabbed the white pillow at each end, scrunched it up, and buried her grimacing face into it as she felt the man wriggling around above and behind her searching for the plastic bottle of green goo.

Good grief. This is ridiculous.  That thing was never going to fit inside her bum no matter how hard they both tried to force it in. Her client's equipment certainly gave "taking a fat cock up the old poopsie" a whole new meaning. Annie winced as she felt his stubby erection flop out from her widely stretched outer ring with an audible "POP" that made her gasp and giggle in equal measure. He had managed to penetrate her only an inch at most as her rubbery sphincter held firm.

 She twisted her head and looked over her shoulder as the rather rotund gentleman staggered around the motel room looking like a drunken marshmallow.

"Mr. Baxter," she sighed, "It's over THERE." 

She pointed to the wash basin hanging lopsided from the far wall under a stained mirror that could probably tell a tale or two. The room was as basic as they came with very little in the way of creature comforts. No wonder it was cheap.

Turning over on the bed, she gave a surprised squeak as she eased her sore backside back down onto the mattress. God. Her poor bottom throbbed painfully in more ways than one. First, because of her well strapped and spanked cheeks and, second, because of their frustrating attempts to bugger her bumhole.

Mr. Baxter returned looking slightly frazzled as he stood next to the bed giving the bottle of lube another shake. The man was in his early fifties and had obviously "made merry with the pies and sherry" over the years. He was wheezing like an old steam train as he stood there in his black socks and nothing else. "Sorry," he muttered as he ran his hand through his thinning gray hair, "Are you alright?" he asked concerned. 

He grabbed his stiff pecker and gave it a shake, "This thing has always been a pain in the arse. No pun intended. My late wife used to slap me silly whenever I tried it on with her. "God gave me one hole and one hole only for that sort of thing!" she always used to tell me. You should have seen her face on our wedding night when I dropped my underpants and showed it to her for the first time. I'm still surprised she didn't run to her mothers screaming blue bloody murder," he sighed, looking crestfallen at the memory.

Annie smiled and tried not to laugh. She felt kind of sorry for him as he was a decent bloke by all accounts. She scooted to the bottom of the bed and took his six-inch penis from him. "Listen, Stanley," she said, looking up at him as he stood before her twiddling his thumbs, "I don't mind getting shagged up my arsehole, okay?" 

She waggled his member back and forth with her fingers nowhere near encompassing his comical girth, "But this thing. This thing is as fat as it is long. It's like trying to push a can of Tizer up my bum. I think I can take it but you just need to be careful and take your time. And use MORE LUBE for Christ sake!!"

*

Wednesday, 6 September 2017

CLASSIC EROTIC TOONS: Honey Hooker 1976


Classic Honey Hooker from Hustler 1976

CLASSIC EROTIC MAGS: Popular Cartoons


Good girls drawn bad. The late 50's/early 60's.

Sunday, 3 September 2017

CLASSIC EROTIC MAGS: EXOTICA vol.1 no.1 1959


What a fantastic cover.

YEOWCH SEXY SCRAPBOOK: The Benny Hill Show "Armless Fun"


A bird in the hand is worth a squeeze of her tush.

Saturday, 2 September 2017

CLASSIC SPANKING MAGS: Teenage Discipline #2.


Never seen the cover for this issue before - until now!

No idea of the year but I'd guess late 70's


Bonus photo.

YEOWCH SEXY SCRAPBOOK: Pornstar Bubblegum Cards.




Now these are the kind of cards to collect. USA bubblegum cards - 1992.

XXX MOVIE SEX SCENES: Blondes Have More Fun 1979.


SEKA taking a stuffing from this classic xxx movie.


Friday, 1 September 2017

CLASSIC EROTIC MAGS: John Holmes & Candy Samples Special #1


A bit like King Kong meets Godzilla.

XXX MOVIE SEX SCENES: Deep Throat 1972


Linda Lovelace showing how it's done.

Probably the most famous moment in all of porndom.