Outside the world was white and frosty with the northern wind blowing the cold snap this way and that depending on its mood. But in a small bungalow way out in the middle of nowhere, recently wed Ted and Alice were enjoying their first Christmas morning together opening their presents..
Ted opened his last present to discover a box full of multi-coloured golf balls – just what he’d always wanted. He lent over and kissed his new wife who was sitting beside him on the rug in front of a roaring log fire. “Thank you darling,” he smiled. “It’s just what I’ve always wanted – pink and green golf balls.”
Alice, pleased that he seemed pleased with her Christmas gift, sat back grinning. “I thought you’d like them. No more losing them in the rough. You can spot that pink one from miles away!”
Ted merely smiled. A four iron into the nearest water hazard should do the trick he mused. All around them lay the remnants of unwrapped presents. They’d opened them all – well, apart from one which he had kept hidden until last. “Hold on, I’ll be right back.” he told her as he jumped up and went into the kitchen where he came back moments later holding something behind his back. “Surprise.” he laughed, producing a rather intriguingly wrapped gift to her.
Alice excitedly clapped her hands. “OH, WHAT IS IT?” she giggled with girlish enthusiasm before ripping the brightly coloured paper and ribbons off. “OH TED!!” she gasped when she saw what it was. She was so astonished she could hardly speak for a moment as she stood there looking at it. “It’s..it’s…” she stuttered staring at his gift to her. “It’s a paddle!!”
Indeed it was. Ted sat on the sofa smiling knowingly as his young wife of twenty three stood in front of him with her mouth wide open in surprise and shock. “I’m glad you like it honey, now if you go into…”
But before he could finish she had grabbed his hand and dragged him over to the fireside chair where she handed him the paddle. “OH GOD!” she said excitedly as she faced away from him then reached down and grabbed the hem of her nightie which she pulled and tugged up over her wide womanly hips leaving her mildly bemused hubbie staring at her perfectly pear shaped bottom.
Alice looked at him over her shoulder, reaching up to pull away her shoulder length red hair. “You darling, darling man you. How did you know I’ve always wanted one of those ever since I can remember!”
Ted looked at the paddle he was holding. “Really?” he replied confused.
Alice gave her full bum a wiggle of impatience. “YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH.” she gasped. “Now hurry up and give me a round bakers dozen before I go mad with anticipation. Please, please PLEASE!!”
Ted looked from the long wooden implement to his wife’s swaying rear.
This was definitely a Christmas to remember for both of them as Ted stood breathing heavily from the experience of walloping his wife’s now purplish and mottled rear and watching as she danced around the room clutching it. He was at quite the loss for words.
Alice, overjoyed but sore, did a circuit around the rosy glowing living room before she hugged him and gave him a big sloppy Christmas kiss. “Oh darling, that was absolutely wonderful. I can see myself wanting much, much more of that sort of thing from you from now on. You heavenly beast you, I love all the presents you’ve got me but especially THAT Paddle!!”
Ted stood looking down at her as he held her in his arms. “I think you’d better go into the kitchen sweetheart.”
Alice gave him a look. “The kitchen?”
Alice opened the kitchen door and switched on the light.
She stood staring with an open mouth and gasped out loud.
There on the kitchen table lay a full sized canoe.
Was having a root around a bunch of old data cd's today and found this short Christmassy tale I wrote way back in December of 2006 (yikes!) Posting it here so I know where it is now!
It was Christmas Eve and the snow had begun to fall.
All about, the hills and dales were covered with a blanket of sparkling white with the bare branches of the tree's tinged with fingers of gleaming frost that snapped and crackled as the biting wind bent them too and fro. As the falling snow turned into a blizzard, it wasn't wise for anyone to be out in such weather.....
Over the bridge where beneath the river had long since frozen, the bright yellow glow of headlights appeared. Slithering and sliding slowly with it's windscreen wipers straining to do their job, the small red car wound its way carefully through the country lanes where inside the two occupants peered out into the gloom.
"Damn, I can't see a bloody thing in this blizzard Liz." muttered the driver as he sat hunched forward in his seat clutching the wheel concentrating on the worsening conditions and putting the car into a higher gear for better traction. "How much farther?" he asked, looking across at his girlfriend who sat wrapped up in a huge black coat, wool scarf and likewise bobble hat.
Elizabeth looked from the crumpled map on her lap to her boyfriend of some 26 months, Josh. "We're here, I think..." she said, her breath misting around them both. "Just over the next rise...about a mile or so." she explained, her teeth chattering with the cold.
"Thank God for that." nodded Josh. "Much more of this and we'll end up stuck in some bloody snow drift for Christmas. I can hardly see a thing and this rust bucket might as well be on a bloody skating rink for all the good its doing. Hang on..." he said suddenly. "Over there....the sign. That's it. Windy Nook cottage." Finally they were here. It had been a long drive, nearly 3 hours.
Who's stupid idea was it to spend Christmas away ?
"Oh..." he thought with a frown. It had been his. Him and his bright idea's. A break from the tradition of spending the festive season with family he'd suggested. Do something different for a change. Boy, this was about as different as it could get.
Of course one of the "real" reason's for getting away was to be able to spend some serious time alone with his girlfriend where there were no mother's or father's, brother's or sister's, grandad's or grandma's to interfere. He wanted her all to himself for a change. Elizabeth had agreed, reluctantly at first. So they had booked a couple of days away from everything and everyone.
Having filled the boot with presents, food and other essentials, they'd set off in clear blue but cold skies hoping for a more personal and traditional Christmas away from the hustle and bustle of friends and family....
The snow swirled around Josh as he got out of the car having parked it in a small culvet next to the old farmhouse. Tugging his coat tighter around him, he told Liz to wait while he unlocked the door and turned the electricity on. In the archway he stood fumbling with the key's, muttering to himself wondering why they hadn't booked a week in southern France instead. With a click, he turned the latch and pushed open the oak door which creaked and groaned as it swung ajar. Lifting his torch, he went inside and by its light he found the fusebox and threw the main switch.
Sitting huddled up in the car, Liz watched as one by one the farmhouse lights came on. Despite the chill, the setting was perfect. It looked for all the world like a picture of the festive season on a Christmas card. Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea. After all, she and her boyfriend would be all alone for three whole day's....and nights.